full screen background image
Timothy Schenke

NOW AVAILABLE!
Without Tim paperback & eBook
NOW available!

Click here to order



News

Note from Lisa 1/27/15

I would like to thank Natureís Corner of Spring Lake Heights, NJ for their generous donation to the Tim Schenke Light of Hope Scholarship Fund. To give back to the local community that supports their mission and values at Natureís Corner, 5 weeks per year they donate 5% of one weekís Juice Bar sales to a local non-profit organization. My family is honored that we were selected for December, 2014.
To find out more about Natureís Corner and their Juice for the Community program please visit http://www.naturescornernaturalmarket.com/juice-for-the-community/


Natures Corner


I came across an informal write-up about a difficult good-bye between an elder mother and her daughter in an airport. The mother said to her daughter, "I love you, I wish you enough." The daughter responded, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." This poem had been passed down through their family:

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Helloís" to get you through the final "Good-bye.."

I think this poem is beyond beautiful and will be adding it to the Inspiration page of this site.

Wishing everyone a healthy 2015. Peace. Lisa

Note from Lisa 11/16/14

The 2014, 4th annual Jersey Shore Out of the Darkness Walk was phenomenal! We not only reached our goal of raising $50,000 for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, but far exceeded it by raising over $92,000 with 909 walkers participating!! What a fantastic day had by all. Thank you to Leggettís for hosting and supplying lunch, to the members of Team Timfinite, and to all teams represented on 9/20/14. To view pictures, please visit http://www.withouttim.com/out_of_the_darkness.html .

On October 7th I had the pleasure of meeting Kate Shand, author of Boy, from Johannesburg, South Africa! Kate, who also lost a son to suicide and wrote a book, had contacted me after reading Without Tim. We connected on many levels, but doubted weíd ever have the opportunity to meet in person. When Kate found out she was coming to New York City, she asked me how far away I lived and I responded, "NOT TOO FAR, I WILL BE THERE!" We spent a wonderful afternoon together in NYC. What a special day!

Lisa and Kate

In late October I was awarded Ocean County author of the year by the Ocean Happenings organization. The award was presented at the 2014 Red Carpet Happenings List Bash at La Bove Grande in Lakehurst, NJ. Thanks again to all who voted! Much appreciate the award and recognition!



OC Happenings

Wishing a great holiday season to all.

Sincerely, Lisa

Note from Lisa 9/1/14

Upcoming AFSP Walk and informal Thirteen Reasons Why book review

September is here already! Please remember to sign up for the 4th Annual Out of Darkness Walk, Team Timfinite. This yearís walk will be bigger and better than ever with a balloon release and lunch at Leggettís immediately following. Walk begins and ends at Leggettís in Manasquan, NJ: walk along the beachfront. Please click here to sign up or make a donation: http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.team&teamID=60657

I recently finished reading the book Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. I recommend it for any teen or pre-teen who is mature enough to read about suicide. I feel this story can really help youth and adults to realize the impact a joke, rumor, or mean comment can have on another person. Although the book is fictional, I often felt as if it was real. I so closely related to the story and realized that I was providing my best guesses at "13 reasons why" in Without Tim. While I recommend reading the book, I want to add that it does not take into account a personís mental health make-up; that each person responds differently to any given situation based on their genes and basic chemistry. In summary, this book is a tremendous reminder to all of us to be kind, thoughtful, and aware of our own actions.
Website for the book: http://www.thirteenreasonswhy.com/index.html

Note from Lisa - 7/16/14

The 2nd annual Sing into the Sunlight benefit concert and festival being held for suicide prevention and awareness will be held on Saturday, 8/9/14 from noon - 7pm at the Sesselman Park Band Shell, 282 Carlton Ave. East Rutherford, NJ. There will be solo artists and bands performing, vendors, along with a donation booth and informative booths on depression and suicide. I will be speaking and our good friends from http://www.youcannotbereplaced.com/ will be there also! For additional information, please visit https://www.facebook.com/SingIntoTheSunlight/timeline or contact Faith Banca at faithgiannabanca@gmail.com.

The 4th annual American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) Jersey Shore Out of Darkness walk will be held on Saturday, 9/20/14. We will meet at 10am at Leggetts Sand Bar 217 First Ave. Manasquan (Walk on the Boardwalk), New Jersey. Please support team Timfinite by walking or donating to a walker! Please visit http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.team&teamID=60657 to sign-up or donate. Thank you very much for your continued support!

I was very fortunate to be honored at two events in June, 2014. On June 5th, I was extremely grateful to be among the honorees at an event sponsored by a central Jersey nonprofit organization, Miles for Smiles, for my advocacy work in suicide prevention. Five days later, on June 10th, I was both grateful and thrilled to be the Honored Guest at the 2014 Silent Samaritan Luncheon, an annual event which benefits the Samaritan Center at the Jersey Shore. I will share a few pictures and items of information here.






Note from Lisa - 3/28/14

"Grief does not change you. It reveals you." John Green

I recently read The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. Both sadly and happily, I must admit that it was probably the closest Iíve come to feeling like I lost another child. I felt close to tears a few times while reading the book, but the flow actually didnít come till I finished the last page. I think the reason I said "sadly" is fairly obvious. The reason I said "happily" was because it felt like such a release to feel the feelings in the PRESENT tense. I have become so used to remembering the immediate feelings of loss in the PAST tense. The loss is always there but if forever evolves, which it should... I think it was a healthy release of some pent-up grief.

In other news, a woman who I will refer to as "Angel" came into my life recently. She is not a professional psychic, but feels she does receive messages from the other side and she needed to reach out to me. To those who have read Without Tim, you may recall that I committed to my grief counselor/pastoral friend that I would NOT visit a psychic or medium again. I think this is different in that Angel found me, and I am cautiously happy about this connection. Be it temporary or long-term, it has been comforting. I am feeling a renewed connection to Tim, loss, love, my family, and maybe life itself. Similar to how I felt after finishing The Fault in Our Stars.

Iíve had my next tattoo chosen for over a year but was waiting for the right time to get it. Just two days after my initial discussion with Angel, I felt something from Tim and then received a call from Irma at the Samaritan Center in Manasquan (where my "official" book launch was held in September, 2013) asking me to be their Honored Guest at the upcoming Silent Samaritan Luncheon in June! That day I went to the tattoo shop and was fortunate enough to get an appointment a few hours later that day! Here are the pictures-

Faith Tattoo Hope and Love Tattoo

Faith is on my right inner wrist. Hope and Love are on my right inner ankle.

Thank you my friends for continuing to be a part of this journey.
Love, Lisa

January 12, 2014

Welcome to 2014! Without Tim has received wonderful Amazon reviews! So far, a total of 25 five star reviews and 1 four star review. Reviews can be viewed under the book section of this web site http://www.withouttim.com/reviews.html. I am extremely grateful and feel pretty good about that! Book sales continue at 10 stores in Monmouth County, NJ and via Amazon, Nook and Smashwords. I have also been speaking to some grief support groups, high schools, and various forums. Also "slowing down" a bit after the busy book launch period.

I donít receive communication from Tim very often. However, I was thrilled to have a "visit" in my dream on Christmas morning, 2013. Really made my day. I have had a few dreams over the past five and a half years where Tim is visiting from somewhere; not death, but somewhere that he is away receiving help. In these dreams, Tim is well enough to come for a visit, but then must return to his "other place," which seems to be some type of treatment center/ residence. Works for me-

Hereís a small story that is not very important, but means something to me:
My youngest son, Dave, recently changed his major from business to teaching (with special education) and will no longer be eligible to graduate in the spring of 2016. I had tentatively planned to have double graduation because Pete anticipates graduating from law school in the spring of 2016. At first I was a little disappointed. But then I realized that each of the double graduations we had planned did not occur: When Dave graduated from 8th grade in 2008, Tim was supposed to graduate high school the next day. When Pete graduated from a 4-year undergraduate program in 2013, Tim was supposed to graduate from a 5-year undergraduate program the following month. Since the Dave/Tim and the Pete/Tim combos never took place, it makes complete sense to me that the Dave/Pete combo should not take place either. Maybe I am strange, but small realizations like this give me some comfort.

Lastly, I have discontinued the blog on the web site because it was not utilized much. Most of my ongoing communication/ blogging type activity with others is through http://www.Facebook.com/WithoutTim . Please "like" the Facebook page if you would like to be involved in frequent updates and discussions. Thank you very much for your ongoing love and support.
Sincerely,
Lisa

3rd Annual Jersey Shore AFSP Out of Darkness Walk
Saturday, 9/21/13 at 8:30AM

Please support team Timfinite at the 3rd annual Jersey Shore AFSP walk by walking or donating to a walker! This year the walk will be held on Spring Lake boardwalk, beginning at Brown Ave., the very south end. Please visit http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.team&teamID=49564 to sign-up or donate. Thank you very much!

August 11, 2013

Lisaís Pre-Launch for Without Tim was a tremendous success! Rita, owner of Booktowne in downtown Manasquan has said that it was the most successful book signing she has ever held, selling the largest number of books! Initial feedback is extremely positive - from teens and young adults, those who are grieving, parents in general, and all audiences!

Lisaís "Official Launch", coinciding with World Suicide Prevention Day, will be held on September 10, 2013 at the Samaritan Center, 36 South St., Manasquan, NJ at 7pm. Please come out to hear Lisa speak and have your book signed!

To view the Press Release for Lisa Schenke and Without Tim, please click here.

Without Tom - Book Signing Without Tom - Book Signing Without Tom - Book Signing

Notes from Lisa - 7/28/13
Eternal Flame Part 2

If you havenít read the original Eternal Flame story from April, 2013, please read below first. It has taken us a while to sell the house in Spring Lake Heights, but thankfully, we will be closing the sale this week! Today, Sunday, 7/28/13, Andy and I were getting the LAST of our stuff out of the house and the yard. We had my SUV loaded to the brim and our old sailboat filled with old wood, old metal, and brush that had to be taken off the property. Andy drove my SUV to Point Pleasant and asked me to drive directly behind him in his car because the lights on the sailboat trailer werenít working well.

I CANNOT believe that twice during the 15 minute ride home I heard the song, Eternal Flame! The first time I kind of got the chills but thought it might be a coincidence. Then the second time, on a different station, I knew it was Tim once again telling me that he is aware of the house selling and still "OK" with the move. Wow! This canít be a coincidence because I still rarely hear the song. And twice during that short car ride?!? I am feeling Timís presence.

UPDATE one day later, 7/29/13: After I locked myself out of the house for the last time, guess what song I heard on the radio? The other important song between Tim and me: Someone Saved My Life Tonight!!

Note from Lisa - 4/11/13 - As the move to our new home approaches
Eternal Flame

As some of you know, my family will be moving to Point Pleasant, fifteen minutes away from our current home, on 4/19. Even though my other two sons are now young adults and out of the public schools, I have still been wondering how they will adjust to the move; as I think most parents would! However, I had not given any thought to if/how Tim would feel about the move. Until this week. I did not look or ask for any answers from Tim, but I believe he let me know anyway!

When I found out I was pregnant for Tim, 24 years ago this month, the song "Eternal Flame" by the Bengals had just come out. I love the song and have considered it my "Timmy pregnancy song" ever since. Surprisingly, I heard the song at least four times during the past few days and wondered if Tim was trying to tell me something. Since I associate the song with Timís birth, I wondered if it had to do with new life, rebirth, or something along those lines...

After Tim died, a few people had told me to keep a light on in his room or maybe a nightlight, so that Tim would feel welcomed to return whenever he wanted. While once again roaming around downtown Point Pleasant, one of my "happy places," in the early months after Timís death, I found a starfish nightlight that I loved and thought would be just perfect to keep lit in Timís room. This past Monday, 4/8/11, I could not get the nightlight to turn on. The bulb did not appear to be dead but I changed it anyway. The starfish nightlight still refused to turn on. I admit that I was more than a little upset.

I have been driving back and forth between Spring Lake Heights and Point Pleasant almost daily for the past week, since we now own both houses. On my way back to Spring Lake Heights last night I realized what Tim was trying to tell me. I believe Tim is letting me know that the light does not need to shine in his old room at 2415 Kipling Ave; that his light is an "Eternal Flame." Maybe this is Timís way of letting me know that he is ok with us leaving this house and he approves of the move? I think so.

Peace and Love,
Lisa

June, 2013

Our next run of "Youíre Designed to Shine" will be held on six consecutive Wednesday nights beginning July 10, 2013. Location and time: Worthington Avenue Beach in Spring Lake, NJ from 6pm to approximately 7:30pm. For more details on the program please see the YTDS page located under the Resources tab or the Lisa tab of this website. Thanks! Lisa and Karen Lyons

NJ town recovers from teen suicide cluster
Featured on NBCNews.com June 6, 2013

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Note from Lisa - 4/11/13 - As the move to our new home approaches
Eternal Flame

As some of you know, my family will be moving to Point Pleasant, fifteen minutes away from our current home, on 4/19. Even though my other two sons are now young adults and out of the public schools, I have still been wondering how they will adjust to the move; as I think most parents would! However, I had not given any thought to if/how Tim would feel about the move. Until this week. I did not look or ask for any answers from Tim, but I believe he let me know anyway!

When I found out I was pregnant for Tim, 24 years ago this month, the song "Eternal Flame" by the Bengals had just come out. I love the song and have considered it my "Timmy pregnancy song" ever since. Surprisingly, I heard the song at least four times during the past few days and wondered if Tim was trying to tell me something. Since I associate the song with Timís birth, I wondered if it had to do with new life, rebirth, or something along those lines...

After Tim died, a few people had told me to keep a light on in his room or maybe a nightlight, so that Tim would feel welcomed to return whenever he wanted. While once again roaming around downtown Point Pleasant, one of my "happy places," in the early months after Timís death, I found a starfish nightlight that I loved and thought would be just perfect to keep lit in Timís room. This past Monday, 4/8/11, I could not get the nightlight to turn on. The bulb did not appear to be dead but I changed it anyway. The starfish nightlight still refused to turn on. I admit that I was more than a little upset.

I have been driving back and forth between Spring Lake Heights and Point Pleasant almost daily for the past week, since we now own both houses. On my way back to Spring Lake Heights last night I realized what Tim was trying to tell me. I believe Tim is letting me know that the light does not need to shine in his old room at 2415 Kipling Ave; that his light is an "Eternal Flame." Maybe this is Timís way of letting me know that he is ok with us leaving this house and he approves of the move? I think so.

Peace and Love,
Lisa

Update 4/14: OMG! I went out at 7:35 this morning to find more boxes. I NEVER, EVER go out that early on a Sunday. I donít even get up that early on a Sunday, but I couldnít sleep. Guess what was on the radio? "Eternal Flame" !! Tim confirmed my interpretation! I am on cloud 9. Added bonus: 22 boxes! And in such a great mood that I stopped to buy bagels for the fam!

Hello, my name is DRUGS, author unknown, thanks to my friend Jill for sharing 1/15/13

Hello, my name is DRUGS - I destroy homes, tear families apart, take your children, and that's just the start. I'm more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold, the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold. and if you need me, remember I'm easily found, I live all around you, in schools and in town. I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door. My power is awesome; try me you'll see, but if you do, you may NEVER break free. Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice, and I'll own your soul. When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie. You do what you have to just to get high. The crimes you'll commit, for my narcotic charms will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms. You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad. When you see their tears, you should feel sad. But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised, I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways. I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from god, and separate friends. Iíll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, Iíll be with you always, right by your side. Youíll give up everything..., your family, your home... your friends, your money, then youíll be alone. Iíll take and take, till you have nothing more to give. When Iím finished with you youíll be lucky to live. If you try me be warned this is no game. If given the chance, Iíll drive you insane, Iíll ravish your body; Iíll control your mind. Iíll own you completely; your soul will be mine. The nightmares Iíll give you while lying in bed, the voices youíll hear from inside your head, the sweats, the shakes, the visions youíll see; I want you to know, these are all gifts from me. But then itís too late, and youíll know in your heart, that you are mine, and we shall not part. Youíll regret that you tried me, they always do, but you came to me, not I to you. You knew this would happen. Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold. You could have said no, and just walked away. If you could live that day over, now what would you say? Iíll be your master; you will be my slave, Iíll even go with you, when you go to your grave. Now that you have met me, what will you do? Will you try me or not? Itís all up to you. I can bring you more misery than words can tell. Come take my hand, Iíll take you to hell!

If considering suicide or if you know someone who is suffering - 10/5/12

I'd like to thank a friend for posting the following passage on Facebook. I was extremely touched by its power and reality. Although my family struggles, I am grateful for how well we are doing. I am sad for others, whom I know personally, and I am always fearful of what the next wave of grief might bring. If you are considering suicide, or know someone who is suffering, please read and share. Peace and thanks. Lisa

Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. Youíve had yet another horrible day. Youíre just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note youíve written and rewritten over and over and over You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You donít answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks youíre asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. Sheís screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that "Mommy is crying and sissy wonít wake up." Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, whatís going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. The next day at school, thereís an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things theyíve said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he canít help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He canít handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? Theyíre sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? Sheís in shock. She canít believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad... Bad enough for you to end it. She canít cry, she canít feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. Itís a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyoneís crying, your little brother still doesnít know you killed yourself, heís too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesnít stop for days. Itís two years later. The whole school talks to a counselor/therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesnít know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didnít succeed like you did, but she tried...your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day. People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices donít just effect you. They effect everyone. Donít end your life, you have so much to live for. Things canít get better if you give up. Iím here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are. Even if weíve NEVER talked before, Iím here for you. Copy and paste this as your status to show people there are people out there that care.

Timfinite team - Jersey Shore AFSP walk - 9/22/12

The 2nd annual Jersey Shore American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) Out of the Darkness Walk will be held in Belmar on 9/22/12. Team Timfinite is coming back strong and hoping to take top team again! Please join us for the walk or make a donation to me or one of the other walkers by visiting www.outofthedarkness.org You can search on the location, team name or Lisa Schenke. Hope to see you there!!!

Note from Lisa - April 22, 2012 - Four days before the four year anniversary of Tim's death

All day yesterday, on and off, I kept looking for a small piece of the kitchen countertop that had chipped off about a year ago and I am sure I saved. I couldn't find it - tried the Catholic prayers to St. Anthony too - but no success. During the night I was wide awake from about 1:15 A.M. till close to 4:00 A.M. - very unusual for me. Finally around 2:30 A.M., I came downstairs, put the lights on, and once again started looking for the piece of countertop. I reached a point that I felt like crying, but realized that I wasn't sure if I was crying over the frustration of not finding my item, or crying over something to do with Tim, but I wasn't sure exactly what.

After finally falling back to sleep, I had such a great dream. I was back in time approximately four years ago. Tim was struggling. We were pleading with him to stop smoking pot and drinking alcohol so that he could try to find out what feelings he was trying to bury or what he was running from. Just before I woke up, Tim agreed to try, and although he and I did not voice the words "one day at time," we both knew it was unspoken. Still within the dream, we were unsure if Tim would attend high school for the remaining weeks, and unsure if he would go to college in the fall, but that was ok. There was a cautious glimmer of hope that he wanted to try to find out what was going on inside him.

I had a good cry, which was long overdue, when I woke up. And I realized that by obsessively looking for the piece of countertop, I was really looking for something from Tim. I had the feeling it was close, so close, but just could not put my hands on it. I interpret this as a sign that Tim is telling me that he wishes he was still here; that he wishes he had slowed down and allowed himself to take it one day at a time.

When I came downstairs this morning I knew I had just one more place to look for the small piece of chipped off countertop, but I needed Andy's (my husband's) help to reach there. FOUND! The message I take from this find is: asking for help from others is the way to go.

Click here to learn more about CRD Web Design
NJ Website Design by CRD Web Design