Depression is an ugly thing, and I hope you have never had to experience it. It begins to tell you lies and alienate you from the people that love you (rage is a tactic of pushing people away). It convinces you the people that care about you hate you and everything they do is proof of that. Psych meds make you feel ill and not yourself, therapists don't understand you. Eventually, some turn to illegal drugs and alcohol to numb themselves. What they don't realize is that something that might be innocent for a teenager without problems can be disastrous for some with problems. The alcohol feeds the depression. You spiral into a deeper hole because of it, and little arguments become even more proof that the people around you are better off without you. In the end, I am sure he thought he was making everyone's life easier by killing himself.
If you're wondering, yes, my story is similar to this kid's...except I managed to get the help I needed before I hit the last step and I'm still here today, ten years after my initial diagnosis.
It honestly sounds like they did all they could, but like many parents, likely could only do so much, especially when their son became an adult. There is only so much a person can do for someone before it becomes up to them to focus on fighting it. Not to say this kid is at fault, either - fighting a mental illness, especially one like depression which saps your very will to fight, is one of the hardest things I have ever had to done. I would not wish the kind of hopelessness you have to face on my worst enemy. It's like literally looking forward, seeing complete darkness, and walking through it anyway with a vague hope that maybe things will get better and there will be a light 'eventually', with your brain lying to you the entire way that the 'light' doesn't exist.
I am sure the parents made mistakes - all parents have - but the real monster came from within him.
Back to Interviews and Personal Writings by Others